Find Yourself and Don't Settle!

Sometimes I wonder who exactly in life you can rely on.

It's easy to fall prey to the wiles of a sweet talking man or woman that may promise you the world, quite quickly however you may start to see the true nature that lurks beneath the surface.

If I apply this to my own life, the people I know I can rely on are my family and myself. I am blessed with some amazing friends that I can rely on as well and for that I am utterly grateful.

As I head into my 30's I am realizing the importance of really finding yourself. I have heard the old adage a million times that one needs to love oneself before loving another but, I don't think it's ever registered until now. What does loving yourself mean? How do you even do that?

I think a big part of it comes from being alone. You can never really know how to love yourself until you have dealt with alone-ness. If you are bouncing from relationship to relationship you are never giving yourself a chance to find out what you really want and need. It's loneliness that is driving you to fill a void that you might be able to fill perfectly on your own.

Once you have established that you can be alone and just fine, you can open your heart to someone who really deserves it and meets your needs. Saying it is easy..doing it is rather hard but, the only way to do it is to dive right in....

You may hit rock bottom but the only place you can go from there..is up.

Holidays in the News Biz

I cannot believe it's Holiday time yet again. It seems like just yesterday or maybe a month ago that we celebrated Christmas 2008 and now here we are again.

The Holidays can be bittersweet when you are in the news business. Everyone seems to be surrounded by family while many of us newsies are alone. I can remember one Christmas working a Reporting shift in the frigid cold of Duluth, Minnesota. It was around 7pm when I returned home to my empty apartment.

I walked in, threw my bag on the counter and instantly started to cry. I could hear the chords of Holiday music coming from my next door neighbors home and everyone seemed to be with people they loved except for me.

As I took another microwave meal out of my freezer, I thought to myself, "why did I decide to do news again?"

But, I was not about to sit at home and ruin this Christmas. I picked up my phone and called the only person I knew in the entire city, one of our photographers Kristin. I knew she would be alone as well.

We met up at a local bar, probably the only place open in the entire city on Christmas. We sat, we drank, we talked, we laughed. I came home around 2AM feeling like I hadn't missed out on a thing.



Friends often become family when you are a transplant as I have found almost everywhere I have moved. People take me in, they feed me, they almost adopt me. Who knew ties that were not familial could be so strong? I am grateful everyday for those who have come to my aid, offered me a warm meal and provided company when I just needed to be around friends.

What will this Holiday Season bring?

Then last Christmas, I decided to do something different. Our station in Anchorage never had news on Christmas so I had the day off...but, what to do?

Turns out that answer came in the form of a chance meeting with the director of the local homeless shelter.

He offered for me to come and help with the annual Christmas dinner. I arrived bright and early on Christmas ready to help, donned an apron and spend the next 4 hours serving up a hot Christmas meal to those who couldn't afford it. Outside the snow was piling up and the line reached all the way around the block. We allowed women and children to come in first and sat them down and served them in their seats like a real restaurant. I cannot tell you how fulfilling it was for me to serve these people who had nothing and nowhere to go during the Holidays.

I may have had no family around and no place to really go but, I felt like I had honestly had the best Christmas of my life.

I'm not sure what this Holiday Season will bring but, I do know that even without family, the Holidays can be bright and merry, all from the kindness of those you may barely know.

Turning 30!

Remember when you were 15 and you thought turning 18 was a really really big deal?

Or when you were 8 and you thought turning 2 digits would be a major milestone in life?

Or when you knew 21 was right around the corner and all you wanted to do was grow up?

If there is one thing I have learned it's just how quickly time passes us by. Now here I am two weeks shy of my 30th birthday and dumb founded as to how this happened?

Of course we all get older and for some turning 30 is just another number. For me however, it's a casual nudging reminder of time slipping between my fingers.

What did I think I would do at 30? Or by 30? Happily, I have accomplished many of the things I wanted to but, I still have so many things yet to pursue.

As for turning 30, it's going to come whether I like it or not, so I better be excited and hopeful for it. If not, an episode of Sex and the City will remind me casually yet, humorously of all I have yet to look forward TO in the future :)

Here's to 30!

YES!

Woke up this morning feeling a powerful sense of "HELL YES"
No real idea why but, I think I am realizing that I don't need to put up with shit from people who really don't matter and also that I am way stronger than I give myself credit for.

It's a good day :)