Thursday, December 23, 2010

Breaking News and the Emotions of working in Televsion



Sometimes working in televsion news can really get emotional. Take today for example. Last night right around 8PM we sent our reporter to scanner traffic involving shots fired and people down in Harrisburg. Today we found out that a father had stabbed his 13 year old son and then himself. What made it even worse was that the father had attempted to get medical help the week before and checked himself into a psychiatric unit only to be released. The bodies were found early this morning by the mother of the child.

I spent all day looking for the boys picture and finally found it on myspace. Seeing his face made the whole incident all the more real. He loved his dog Bandit, loved to run track and play the trumpet. He never even had a chance. I then found his mother on facebook and in order to confirm the boy was indeed the one who I had found..wrote her a message on facebook to see if she would respond.

I have not heard back from her and quite honestly I don't expect to. How hard to lose your entire family and then come home to a facebook message from some random reporter who could never know the extent of your pain. In news we provide a service--informing viewers of what is going on and tomorrow we will shift our focus onto the little boy. Who was Jared Stout? What was he like as a kid, a friend and a young dreamer? They say everyone has a time to go but, sometimes life seems so unjust and fair. As journalists we are at the forefront--telling the stories, seeing the lives devastated and the people that are affected.

It's a job I love daily for it's excitement yet, it's also a job that can weigh heavily on ones heart. Many journalists get out of the business, or turn to drinking to numb what we have to hear.

Jared, though I did not know you, I feel as though I did. The only thing we can do is attempt to bring your short life into the living rooms of people who didn't know you--and tell your story.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Notes from the Universe...

I sat next to a very interesting man on a recent trip back to Eugene from Los Angeles. We started off talking about the usual mundane things..but, eventually our topics got much deeper and we started talking about our mutual psychology background. I asked him if he had ever heard about the Law of Attraction ..he had not. I proceeded to give him an in-depth explanation about the law and how to apply it to his own life. (It's my favorite topic of the moment!) One person who has deeply impacted my life is author, Mike Dooley. His notes from the Universe inspire and enlighten me every single day. I highly recommend him to all my friends including my seat mate on the plane. They can change your life and they are completely FREE. Here are just a few that I have saved.

It's the "things" you love most, Natasha, the "things" that are dearest to you, that you often allow to define who you are.
Which explains the sometimes insufferable pain caused by their loss.
A wholly avoidable pain.
Ahhh... so hey, now you know.
The Universe



Be at peace, dear Natasha, rest easy, relax, coast and luxuriate to any degree that you can allow yourself, for the day will inevitably arrive when you'll understand all the "reasons" that now elude you, bless the darkness that now seems to separate you, and celebrate the ancient choices that once made you. Just as we do.
Trust me,
The Universe



Have you noticed, Natasha, that sadness in your life has never, ever, not even once, lasted?
It's impossible.
Whoohoooooo!
The Universe

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Inner Light



You know what happens when you let go and let the Universe guide you? Pure magic. I have let go, completely surrendered and yet I have also realized that I alone am in charge of this destiny. Nobody else. I think, I have thought and those thoughts are already leading me to amazing things.

It's Christmastime but, that alone is not what is causing this magic in my heart. I think I finally "get it". I finally understand what the real key is to unlocking my happiness and it doesn't involve a single person on this earth. As soon as I started turning inward (and trust me, this has been literally a very recent event), all my dreams started coming to me. I feel happier than I have felt in a very long time. It's this belief I have that everything is somehow going to magically work out. This process was not an easy one and it's a never ending one. I do urge you today though to figure out what it is you are grateful for, what makes you smile and do those things NOW.

Trim people out of your life that bring you down. Anyone who doesn't support your dreams is not someone you should have around you. Only let people in who bring you light and support. I can guarantee you wont find many....in this world but, even if you have just one..it's better than having a million energy suckers.

My hope for everyone..is Peace...

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Rejection is a Nudge in the RIGHT direction!

Rejection is a nudge in the right direction.

Have you ever thought about it that way? I know I never did. For a long time I took rejection as a sign that I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, worthy enough. I saw it as a reflection of my flaws instead of what it really was, a chance for me to move in the right direction! Perhaps I should be moving smoothly in the direction the Universe is trying to guide me and not resist so much. Over the past three months I have become my own scholar. Learning about myself has brought upon so much contentment and inner strength. I now know that I am shifting and being moved into different areas of my life through what the Universe thinks is best for me. I see signs everywhere and I listen to them with all of my heart. I talk often and openly about this to one of my greatest confidants and my heart is starting to shine again. I am starting to feel as though my life is meant to be incredible and day by day I am getting there. It's pure bliss.!
Listen to your signs...the Universe is speaking to you.!

On another note I had a wonderful time at an "Ugly Holiday Sweater party" this weekend...I didn't really have an ugly sweater but, I went anyways and had a blast being with friends and laughing and joking around. Happy Holidays everyone!

Friday, December 10, 2010

Full Circle

"You can either look at life like nothing is a miracle or that everything is a miracle"



Have you heard this saying before?. I have heard it many times throughout my life but it's never rung as true as it has these past couple of months. This morning another event happened which made me think of the saying.

I was waiting for my good friend and co-anchor Seth Wayne to meet me for lunch. Being the crazy punctuality to a point, person that I am, I was extremely early, more than 15 minutes. I twiddled my thumbs trying to figure out how to pass the time and figured I would clean out my car. I had a plastic bag in my front seat so I started throwing everything I could find in it. I went through my backseat and then started in on my glove box. As I threw everything inside, planning to sort through it later, I saw something shiny at the bottom of the box. I pulled it out and held it in my hand --reminicing.

It was a sparkly prism heart made of glass. It radiates a different color when it hits the light and it had done a wonderful job of it, as it hung from my rear view mirror for nearly a year.

Back then I was in Alaska and the rainbow that would spill across my passenger seat would make me smile. I remember driving along the roads heading towards Seward in the Alaska sunshine. A feeling of serene calm, a feeling of magic. I had my dream job, I was in the most beautiful place on earth and the beauty I felt inside and out was almost more than I could bear.

But there is more to the story of the simple prism heart.--much more.
It was given to me by someone who I had loved dearly and while the details are not important...the story and significance is. He had tied the heart to my rear view mirror and it had accompanied us through many adventures. Down to Seward, across Anchorage and beyond. The heart hung from the car as we walked in parks and alleyways, frequented restaurants, shared secrets and surprises. Always radiating light --a rainbow even when the relationship was fast becoming stormy.

And then it was over one day. My heart bruised, my world shattered and my faith in humanity gone. I never thought I would be able to recover. Nights were spent crying, days were spend mourning and I felt as though I would never love again. I ripped off the prism heart and dropped it in the glove box, slammed the door, the mere sight of it brought me so much pain. I was broken...or so I thought.

Over the next days and months and years, I slowly grew and built my world up again. It wasn't easy, I was more vulnerable than I had been in a long long time but, somehow I was able to love again and love deeply. My heart found a way to heal and I survived and became so much stronger from it.

As I held the prism in my hand I remembered how hurt and angry I had been that day several years ago. I never in a million years thought I would recover and the mere sight of the crystal would have overcome me with sadness but, now it was nothing but what it was. It held no power over me and neither does that relationship anymore. All the crying and tears and heartbreak and thoughts of "never finding love" again were gone. It was nothing but a distant positive memory. It gave me hope..that despite our struggles and times when you feel as though you will never get over someone or something--one day you will. One day you will wake up and the sun will be shining in your heart and you can forgive.

It's a testament to life that we can move through the ripples of pain and grief and become whole again.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

A BOOK to make you smile and A MOVIE that will make you THINK

I want to tell you about two little nuggets that made me smile. One is a book and one is a movie --both can be very useful and inspiring, at least they were for me.



I checked out the book, "Happy for No Reason" by Marci Shimoff a couple of weeks ago. The book is a conglomeration of all different theories and ways one can be happy. Did you know researchers have found out that everyone has a set happy point that is determined by genetics? Scientists have found that everyone returns to that point eventually despite whatever situations they go through in life-even severe car crashes and paralyzing injuries. The only exception to this is the death of a spouse which can take longer to recover from. The book is more of a workbook with different ideas about happiness. I Loved it. Marci writes with clarity and purpose and she sprinkles stories throughout of people who have overcome challenges and found a way to be happy. I found it really put things in perspective for me and I Loved loved loved it!



Now onto the second one, yesterday I had two separate friends text me the same text within the span of one hour. They both told me to watch the movie "Eat Pray Love". I have not watched a movie by myself in nearly a year and a half but, I thought, why not? (sidenote** how strange is life sometimes? Why would two friends of mine text me at nearly the same time to tell me about a movie that has been out on video for nearly a month? Another mystery of the world that I wonder about)

I figured it was a sign and stopped at the redbox on the way home. What a wonderful uplifting movie it was. I laughed, I cried but, mostly I reflected. Julia Roberts ends her marriage and decides to go visit three separate countries in her quest to find herself. I think it would be wonderful to just pack a couple of bags and take off for awhile. The movie made me think about my own life and all the places I have lived and times I have been alone. I feel a calm inner strength knowing that I have done so many things and survived so many challenges by myself. Had I never moved to Eugene, I would have never gotten to the point of spirituality that I feel now. Everyday I learn more about happiness, self love and asking the Universe to guide me in what I want and need.

Signs are everywhere...what are yours?

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Minnesota Pictures

Minnesota was beyond wonderful...here are a couple of pictures from my 31st birthday party! Here are my sister and I



Friends from High school and other times!



Sunday, December 5, 2010

Minne SNOW tah

From home to back to home again. Sometimes I am not quite sure where home actually is. It feels so much like it when I am in Minnesota. The warmth, the family, the genuine urging to be completely and utterly myself. Then I leave and fly back to wherever I happen to be working and suddenly my emotions shift and I am back to being independent, alone, career minded and driven. Where is home? It's Minnesota--where all is familiar comfortable and in sync.

I am heading back to Eugene after a week in the snowy midwest. I got to spend my first birthday back in the place I love in five years. The week was incredible. Every single day was filled with joy and fun and probably most of all sheer comfort. Home cooked meals, hours upon hours on end of nothing to do but, relax, laughing and joking with my brother and sister...staying up till 2AM. I feel so blessed to have that little nook of love in the world. A place I can be completely and utterly me and never have to worry about love not being reciprocated...bliss.

Friends I have not seen in months came for my party. My good friend from Alaska was there along with my best friend Pam who knows more about me than I know myself sometimes. Old college friends and two very dear friends from high school. Also, aunties who pretty much raised me since I was a child...yes, I am indeed blessed. On the night of my birthday the snow started around 4PM and did not want to let up. We ended up with 8 total inches...cars covered and roads packed full of ice. It was a winter wonderland that I welcomed in my 31st year of life!

I will post pictures soon! I have a three hour layover in Seattle..but, it was a week I will not soon forget. Now as I sit here flying further and further away from everyone who loves me...I wonder..just when I will get the chance to come back. I hope it's soon!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Out of Body Experience?



Last night I had a very surreal out of body experience that I wanted to share before the details become fuzzy. I think just the fact that my brain remembers every single detail of the event shows me that something strange did indeed occur last night. I had just fallen into a deep sleep after reading a very inspiring book, called "The Law of Attraction in Action". I read a couple of chapters and was channeling positivity and the teachings into my thoughts as I was laying there. At one point, I put the book down and stared up at the ceiling. I asked myself, "what would I want if I could have anything in the world". What if the world was my catalogue and I could choose anything I wanted and bring it to me through my thoughts and actions-what would I choose.

I lay there and really tried to focus. More than material possessions, I found myself greatly wanting certain feelings. I imagined a situation where I felt complete and whole and strong and completely loved. I felt a certain peace come over me and a couple of minutes later I drifted off to sleep.

It was about 3AM when the strange incident occurred. I "woke up" and felt myself in a float like state. I knew I was in my room, I knew that I was awake but at the same time a heavyness had decended on me where I was helpless against the movements of my body. I felt myself sit up in bed, and the cover removed from my body. I slowly drifted down toward the end of the bed and put my hands above my head, as I did a strong force pulled my arms in front of me and over so that I now rested in a hunched over position. I then woke up in my normal position laying in bed but, strangely awake. It really didn't feel like a dream and I had been awake and aware of what was going on the entire time. It happened again a couple of hours later, this time I was walking down the hallway outside of my bedroom...I remember feeling heavy and weighed down but, being completely aware of what was happening. When I "woke up" in my original position in bed, I remember feeling beyond frightened and wished I wasn't alone but, I also had a clarity and peace of mind about the whole thing. I am not sure what exactly happened last night but, it made me feel very small in the realm of the Universe and the mysteries that we face.

I have learned a great deal about myself these last couple of months. I have learned how vulnerable and emotionally fragile I am when it comes to love and emotions but, also how very strong I can be and how I can persevere. Last night's mystery was just another building block on my roadmap of life. A roadmap that will lead me to everything I desire

Long Days

What a long long day today was. I woke up late but, the hours kept dragging. These days seem extra long--filled with thoughts and quietly laced reflections. No--I wouldn't say it's a bad time, just a time when I am learning a lot more about myself. The learning is manifesting itself in rather interesting ways. Body aches and pains and emotions that are turbulant. All times where one can learn. All growing experiences if we allow them to truly be...and don't fight them. :)

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Many The Miles, Sara Bareilles

This song makes me feel powerful, strong and gives me the courage to know I will survive and move past the hurt..

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Thought for the Day

Sometimes you have to put yourself first. Sometimes you have to feel great love to feel great loss. Somtimes you have to feel the pain of losing someone you really truly love to understand how strong you really are. Sending strength to those out there who are hurting or lost. It's not an easy place to be in but, when you finally wrestle the demons and come out, the world shows you just how beautiful and magical it can truly be.

Sometimes you just have to walk away from what you want, to get what you deserve.

"The best way to predict the future is to create it." ~Peter Drucker

Life's too awesome to waste your time thinking about someone who doesn't treat you right. -Jack Barakat

If u focus on doing what u love & making the highest choices for your life, things have a magical way of working out.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

TUT Notes from the Universe!



Everyday in my inbox I get messages straight from the Universe. It speaks to me and only me in person every single day! Ok---maybe not quite but, I think that these little tidbits are something everyone should enjoy. To sign up go to tut.com

So what exactly are they?

TUT Notes from the Universe started in 1998 as an email sent out weekly to 38 addresses has since blossomed into today's daily Notes from the Universe, sent to over 350,000 subscribers in 189 countries! These Notes are brief passages written by "The Universe," personalized with your name (and occasionally your personal goals and dreams), designed to remind you that you have, indeed, been given dominion over all things.
They are friendly little reminders that bring joy to my day and can for you as well. Here are some examples.! Oh and they are personalized!

Well, actually, Natasha, you were different.
You didn't want a perfect life, a typical life, or even a normal life.
You wanted a one-of-a-kind.
How we doing?
The Universe


When in doubt, Natasha, give, let them have it, surrender, make peace.
When there's no doubt, Natasha, give, let them have it, surrender, make peace.
Did I make life too easy?
The Universe

Just as the acorn existed within the oak, even when the oak was a seedling; and as the oak existed within the earth, even before there were trees; and as the earth existed within the galaxy, even before there were planets... there has never been a time, dear sweet Natasha, when you did not exist within me... during which we dreamed all else into being.

Far out.
Love you.
Well done.
Happy everything,
The Universe

Isn't it your triumphs over adversity, surprise rebounds, and stellar comebacks that you look back on with the most fondness, Natasha? Far more than the easy, cake for breakfast and pajamas in the afternoon, kind of times?
Fondly,
The Universe

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The Complexities of Life



Life is strange. Sometimes that is the only and best way to describe it. Some days it is magical, wonderful and abounding with happiness and others it can be a dark and dreary existance where you wonder what more can possibly go wrong.

If anything, recent event in my life have made me so much more aware of life and it's intricacies. The delicate balance that one must hold to not sway too far into the land of dark or light. I read about inspiration. I listen to Wayne Dyer CD's on the way to work, I journal, I clear my head, I subscribe to email lists that provide me with positive encouragement every single day. I am trying to understand and yet it also eludes me. The bottom line in all the things I absorb is this, one must find inner happiness. Yes, so you have heard it before and it seems so simple and hard at the same time. Somewhere amoung the massive amount of literature on the subject, I know I will figure it out. One day it's going to click for me, that joy comes from within. That no amount of money, love, success or something else will really "do it"

People will continue to hurt you, continue to abuse, continue to belittle and scar and we must rise above it all. But, people will also amaze you, love you, come out of the woodwork for you and show you immense joy. What do you choose to focus on makes all the difference.
Do you focus on lack or do you focus on wealth? Do you focus on the past or do you focus on the right now and the joy in the simple things. Do you have gratitude and the firm belief that everything will simply work out, or do you lament and reel from the pain someone else has caused you.
Another life lesson for me? We create our own destiny. We are a produce of what we focus on.

I am going to choose to focus on what is good-no matter how hard it is. It's a choice. A choice we must make daily...

Monday, November 15, 2010

Moving Day!



Oh the joys of moving! It's one of those things in life that everybody dreads. Pack the boxes, label everything, U-hauls, and then unloading and getting everything the way you want it in the new place! Just the thought of it is exhausting! BUT, we have all helped friends who needed an extra set of hands to help them move and I was no exception when my good friend and co-anchor Seth Wayne needed me. However, I wasn't prepared for all the clothes he had and all the work it took to load up the 10 foot U-haul :)

While it was exhausting, it was also a really good workout! I ended up helping him for about 3 hours on Saturday and a couple more on Sunday. I know he would help me in a heartbeat ..that is what good friends do!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Eugene Weekly Comes Out

The Eugene Weekly article featuring me as the "Best TV Personality" came out last Thursday. Since then I have received several comments from viewers and others. It's still very humbling to me. I remember opening the Eugene Weekly last year and thinking how cool it would be to ever be in it. That dream came true for me and I am still glowing from how good it feels to be appreciated.

Here is the picture in the paper:

Monday, November 8, 2010

Work and Life

Not many people can say that they love what they do. I am very fortunate to love my job. I have always dreamed of being a television Newsanchor and I feel so blessed to have reached my goal. Everyday is a new challenge and I get to put a show together that I feel a lot of pride in. Not only that but, I work with the most amazing group of journalists who are like family in a lot of ways. You do not get into television (at least initially) to be rich, have a normal schedule or have a stress free life but, the rewards you reap are several. Life these days is strange, lots of changes and lots of new experiences but, when I lay my head down to go to sleep, I have a sense of calm. I have achieved what I most wanted out of life. Here are some pictures on the job:

11pm Anchor, Lauren Allison and I at work


Can you spot the creepshark?


Thursday, November 4, 2010

Election Night, Campaign 2010

Many many times the anticipation of something is for worse than the actual event, such is the case for election night. It's the day that everyone looks forward to but, if you work in the news business trust me--you dread it! Not only are you juggling fast flying and changing numbers coming at you faster than a snowball fight but, you must also brush up on the candidates, be familiar with several races and measures and generally prepare for chaos! This year I was so happy to be able to co-anchor with Seth Wayne and not have to read the entire show by myself! PHEW..that instantly put me at ease and took away half the stress of the day. We had our plan in place. First block of news at the desk, second half at the Chroma key wall, then a quick weather hit followed by more news ..however plans on election day always go awry and change. :)

Bottom line though our show looked fantastic on air and I am very proud of the team for putting it all together. Here are some pictures from the big night. Here we are joint producing the 10PM Fox show.



Seth did a great job as my co-anchor! What an exciting night.



The team after all was said and done! What a relief to be done with Election Night!

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Humbled and Blessed...



What a fun and overwhelming weekend! I am humbled and very very blessed to have won the "Best TV Personality" Award by the Eugene Weekly for 2010-2011. I feel especially humbled to have been in the running with the talented Brandi Smith and Marc Mullins who have been in the business far longer than I have. I went to the award ceremony with my co-anchor and one of my best friends Seth Wayne! He is always there to support me and lift me up in life.We started off the night by going out for Sushi at Sushi Ya in downtown...




I'm lucky to have him in my life as a good friend. The ceremony was at the Wow Hall and it was fun to see all the people that turned out. Several awards were given out and when it was my turn I was so surprised when they called my name that I almost didn't get out of my seat! It's humbling for sure..! I have so many people in my life that love and care for me..God is good..and so is life!

Friday, October 29, 2010

Eugene Weekly, "Best of" Issue




I am humbled and honored to be one of the nominees for "Best TV Personality" in Eugene. I was contacted last week by the Eugene Weekly and one of the photographers came by to take pictures of me for the next issue. The award ceremony is tonight and I am excited and nervous! Will post when I have picturs and find out more. Thank you for all your votes and for enjoying Fox News @ 10!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

This song just makes me smile...

Let YOURSELF be ur everlasting light...!!!!!!!


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Two Lovely Bits

If your life isn't working - make better choices, put up with less sh*t, and expect more of yourself.

---PF Changs fortune cookie for today "Time Heals All Wounds, Keep your chin up"

Monday, October 18, 2010

Processing




Can we focus so hard on positive thoughts that we forget our pain or past negative ones? This is the question I had on my mind this morning. I have been watching the movie "What the Bleep do we know" that focuses on Quantum Physics and the power of the mind. Much of it is facinating..but, what stood out to me was that one bit. Can we be so hopeful and stand so steady in the face of adversity that we can literally forget pain even very traumatic situations?

Are we being true to ourselves if we do not process through them first? How deep is the mind and how does it interact with the heart. Can anything be overcome instantly even the most painful of situations if we simply choose to move past them. Personally I do not believe it to be true. I think we must go through the "belly of the beast" in order to reach the other side. Our mind can help us think positive thoughts and be hopeful for the future but, processing out your feelings is the only way to assure that you have overcome something.

Thoughts?

Lovely Quotes off Twitter

I think my blog is becoming that random hodge podge place where I can collect bits of wisdom and things that I Love and want to reflect on later. If you happen to stumble upon it, I hope you can leave feeling a little better from what you read ...

"And think not you can Direct the course of love, For love, If it finds you worthy, Directs your course." -Kahlil Gibran

A man doesn't love a woman because she's beautiful, a woman is beautiful because she's loved.

If letting go was that easy, love would be easy and heartbreaks wouldn't exist.

What is important is not what happens to us, but how we respond to what happens to us." - Jean-Paul Sartre

"All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love." -Leo Tolstoy

When you feel small and weak, remind yourself that you are a child of the universe who is connected to the infinite source. --Deepak Chopra

Love me without restriction. Trust me without wondering. Want me without demand. Accept me how I am. -Jo Masterson

Messages from "The Secret" Scrolls

From The Secret Daily Teachings

Do not worry at all about negative thoughts, and do not try to control them. All you have to do is begin to think good thoughts each day. Plant as many good thoughts as you can in each day. As you begin to think good thoughts you will attract more and more good thoughts, and eventually the good thoughts will wipe out the negative thoughts altogether.
May the joy be with you,

Rhonda Byrne
The Secret and The Power... bringing joy to billions

Friday, October 15, 2010

What a Perfect Song

I Love this new Sara Evans song...


Thursday, October 14, 2010

Thought of the Day



The best sailors are made during the roughest storms. Stay steady. Stay calm.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Reflections




A blank page can provide a ton of possibilities. What do you want to write about today? Do you want to create a story, reflect on the past, make a to-do list for the day? A blank page is a canvas full of potential. I have been journaling since I was about 7 years old. My first dairy was a plastic vinyl covered one with a huge ballet slipper on the front. It had a tiny little padlock and pink pages with lines. I instantly fell in love with it. The surface felt shiny, the lock made me feel safe. I had a place for my deepest secrets, starting with the very first one-how I really felt about my goldfish, Snowflake dying. My handwriting is wobbly my words full of sadness.

I wrote a song commemorating Snowflake and her short but, very meaningful life. I was 7 and the joy of writing has never left me since. I still have that journal, yellowed with age, padlock broken but, everything intact. A small seven year old just starting on the path of life. Last time I was in Minnesota, I opened the big plastic bin containing what is left of my possessions in my childhood home. Beneath the ballet trophies and awards and newspaper clippings were my journals throughout the years.

I had a flight at 6AM but, I spent the next 4 hours reading through the words of my life. From the goldfish dying, came crushes on teachers, sibling rivalry, crushes on boys, rants about parents and dealing with the culture clash of east and west through high school. I read on. I used to save everything. The clipping from a lilac tree tucked securely in a ziploc bag from my first boyfriend. The purple petals now crisp and some reduced to dust. Little notes from friends taped into a scrapbook. A VHS tape of the very first time I anchored a newscast in Duluth, Minnesota. Prom pictures. The color swatch from when we painted my bedroom, poetry I wrote scribbled on scraps of paper, all of it, reflections of who I was and the buds of who I have become.

So many other writings in my journal of love that was unrequited, or love that was too soon, too young...too fast. At 5AM, exhausted, I put it all away. I closed the lid on the box and dragged the bin laden with heavy heady memories into the closet. I replaced the clothing that lay on top of it and went to bed. I will always have those reminders of me tucked away to reflect on because quite honestly you can never really know where you are going, until you know where you have been.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Bittergirls!



I'm reading a book right now that makes me laugh!~ It's called Bittergirls and it's co-authored by three women. I bought it about 3 years ago from Goodwill and shoved it in a bookcase where it gathered dust. On a whim while cleaning the other day I pulled it out and read the first page. I couldn't believe how funny it was! It's bascially about break ups and how to get through em. Even though it's not my situation it's still such a fun and funny read, that anyone can get a kick out of it. I would highly recommend consulting the Bittergirls for anyone who is going through a tough time ...or just needs a good laugh..The bittergirls will be there for you every step of the way!

Egyptian Wedding Fun

What a lovely weekend I had. I was able to take part in a beautiful Egyptian wedding of a close friend and had a wonderful time celebrating with close friends. The wedding was at the Oregon Garden Resort in Silverton which is about an hour and a half drive from Eugene. The wedding was a mix of two different unique cultures. All the meat was Zabiha Halal meat while they also served alcohol. Complete opposites in our culture and faith. I also got to see a wonderful friend Sabine Baji who I have not seen in a very long time...with her three beautiful children whom I adore. I thought long and hard about what to wear and settled on a red dress that I adorned with Pakistani cultural jewelery.



Another cool thing about the wedding? The photo booth! My friend Shenah and I went in and took a bunch of cool pictures with the props that were on hand. We had a blast.



At the end of the night, the bride surprised the groom by inviting a band to come out and play that mimicked Prince (or the artist formerly known as ) :) The wedding was a much needed event for me. I miss my culture daily and it's hard to feel as though I have it when I am in Eugene and not around it much. In Minnesota, I would go to weddings all the time and be around Pakistani food and music and people. Here it is much harder but, I am lucky to have friends that offer a chance to be around it from time to time.

It was a wonderful mix of cultures and I feel blessed to have been a part of it.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Days That Make You Want To Scream



Some days are just bad days. Ever have one of those days where everything seems to go wrong? And I mean every. single. thing.?

That was my day yesterday and it went from bad to worse. The Law of Attraction talks about this a bit in the movie, "The Secret". It says that when you wake up having a bad day, you send out vibrations from what you are thinking leading to more bad things to happen to you. I guess I can see how this would work. My day started off bad and I just kept the ball rolling. From a paycheck snafu that was stressful to feeling overwhelmed at work, everything just seemed on the verge of collapse yesterday. Honestly had I known it would be so emotional, I probably would have used a sick day, that is what they are for right?

Bad days can be changed with the right thoughts but, had you said that to me yesterday you probably would have ended up getting punched. How do you handle a bad day? What strategies do you implement to overcome them. A sympathetic ear can make a world of difference. I try to do this in my daily life. Whether it be a co-worker or a friend I seem to have a knack for sensing when those around me are feeling off and listening and offering support if I can. For me the day ended with a long, hard cry on my couch. It sounds silly but, the release of emotion can be a very healthy and good thing. Afterwards I felt ready to put the bad day behind me. Here it is 8AM on the next day and lets hope that good thoughts make this day much much better than yesterday.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

So Many Books...So Little Time....

On my reading list are so many books I want to read....here are the top two though!

1.) "No God But God" by Reza Aslan. I first saw Reza on Christianne Amanpour's show, "This Week" which airs on ABC. He is a contributor to the online publication called "The Daily Beast" and is a sharp, intelligent modern Muslim man who is changing perceptions of Islam through his writings.



Though it is the fastest growing religion in the world, Islam remains shrouded by ignorance and fear. What is the essence of this ancient faith? Is it a religion of peace or war? How does Allah differ from the God of Jews and Christians? Can an Islamic State be founded on democratic values such as pluralism and human rights?

No god but God examines how, in the shadow of European colonialism, Muslims developed conflicting strategies to reconcile traditional Islamic values with the social and political realities of the modern world.



Sounds right up my alley!!!! You can also check him out at http://www.rezaaslan.com/


The second book I am dying to read is "The Power" by Rhonda Byrne. By now almost everyone is familiar with her teachings about the Law of Attraction.
The Power is about love. In short, when you love anything, you feel different, and you end up attracting more of the same in your life to love. If you can just focus on love, your entire life will blossom. I cannot wait to get my hands on THIS!

Friday, October 1, 2010

A Book I Cannot Put Down!

I have a book in my possession right now that I cannot seem to put down. Most of the time when I get a book, I will read a couple of pages and then skip through a whole chapter to get to the parts that I like. I very rarely read an entire book cover to cover unless I really like it and it grabs me in a certain way. This one is WAY overdue to the library and I really do not care. :)



Despite the title of this book, I cannot seem to get enough of it. It's called, "This is not the Life I ordered". It sounds like a cheesy self-help book but, it's more a story of courage.

It's a collaboration of ways four women have gotten over difficult times in life. And I mean serious serious hard times. One woman talks about having her husband die on her when she was 3 months pregnant due to a horrific car crash, another talks about years of abuse as a child by her own father, another about having to recover after being shot. In every story is a lot of pain and a lot of hope. These four women have become fast friends, meeting at each others homes over the past several years and finding ways to cope with loss and change. The book is about that.
Combined with the stories in the book are inspirational quotes the women have come to rely on when times are tough. The bottom line, anyone can survive anything and find a way to move on. Sometimes it really doesn't seem like it. Sometimes you seem so stuck in a bad situation that you feel like you will never get out of it. The book presses you forward, talking about all the hope in the world and the ways that you can move forward from loss and change. If these women can move forward from such horrible things..why do problems that are much smaller seem so insurmountable? It's hard when you are in a situation to look forward but, forward is really the only way you can look.

Here are some of the quotes from the book

What I like most about change is it is a synonym for hope--Linda Ellerbee

INVENT A SECRET LANGUAGE FOR CHANGE

--Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it-this is a kind of death.

CREATING ANSWERS FOR THE DREADED QUESTIONS

--All change even the most longed for has this melancholy. For what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves, we must die to one life before we can enter into another.

KNOW THAT OLD HABITS HATE BEING ABANDONED
--The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainly, not knowing what comes next.

This book holds a lot of peace in it's pages for people going through several different kinds of things. I would highly, highly recommend it!

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Quote Lust



I have to find somewhere to put all the great quotes off twitter that I Love!

-- You can choose to see the beauty or the ugly in people... Whatever you choose to see in them is also inside of u.

--Keep your eye on the prize in moments of disappointment. Its a marathon not a sprint! Push on thru!

--Your plans for yourself are so small compared to the plans the Uni-verse has for you. Surrender to a greater outcome!

--Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” ~ Buddha

Running and Veggies

I got in a great run today. A really fantastic, get your blood pumping, sweat dripping feel so good you want to scream run. It felt amazing! I went further than I ever have and when I got home and collapsed on the couch ..I felt completely accomplished. Running is starting to really become a part of my life. I am proud of myself for making it a habit and getting out every morning even though some mornings I don't even feel like it.



Running gives me time to think and time to clear my head. As the blood rushes through me I feel like nothing is impossible and worry leaves my mind. I could almost go twice a day..if I had the time.

I am also loving these STEAMER bags of vegetables. They go great with running because they are low in calories but, high in fiber and very filling. An entire bag in just around 100 calories..top it with salt and Tapatio and you are set! If I continue the running and the eating healthy..I can see myself reaching my goal weight, maybe even faster than I have set the date for!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Compilation of Anchoring/Reporting Clips

I strung together a couple of recent Anchoring/Reporting clips and put them on youtube....What do you think

Live Television



Live Television is almost always Awesome.
I say almost because honestly last nights newscast was one of the highlights of my career (or so she says so sarcastically)

Somehow right after my first block of news, someone over at FOX forgot to press the button that takes us to commercial break (if you work in production please excuse my complete simplifying of the process)

Anyways, imagine this...news is read, tease is read and then you go to commerical. Basic..simple right? Instead viewers got a complete behind the scenes look at what happens between the show. Seth did mic checks, I adjusted my dress, texted on my phone and Pete the cameraman did a cameo trying to roll up wires. We didn't even know what had happened until Seth started receiving a million text messages from viewers commenting on his gorgeous eye color (close up camera shot)!

Mortifying? YES! Now for the good part...things could have been damn near disasterous! Normally during commercial break Seth and I are talking up a storm about everything under the sun. We could have been talking about ANYTHING...Not only that but, I also have been known to drop the occasional swear word during break as well! Lesson learned BIG TIME!
Never just assume you are off air if you are in the newscast..You never ever know what could happen!!!!!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Digital Camera Blues



Not having a working camera almost feels like I am missing an arm! I bought a nice Sony Cyber shot two years ago and for some reason it's already showing signs of wear and tear. Part of it is my fault..a part of it broke off and left the wiring exposed which means anything could have gotten into it and caused it be to acting so funny. It now takes blurry, fuzzy pictures and is simply not reliable. Boo. Now, I am in the market for another camera and I cannot believe how many choices I have. I want something under 150 dollars, at least 8 megapixels, stylish and small and overall RELIABLE...Any Suggestions?

Running and Pain



I refuse to look at anything anymore as a setback but, this is a minor bump in the road. I may have injured myself during running and have not been able to run for the last two days. I first noticed it yesterday morning. I laced up my shoes, got on my workout gear and headed out the door...a few steps into it however I noticed a very prominent pain in my stomach area just below my belly button.

Figuring it would go away, I just kept going but, found that after a few more steps I couldn't go any further. I managed to walk a couple of blocks but, was pretty disappointed in my inability to run. Today I did the same thing and found the pain to still be present. I'm not quite sure what it could be ..I may have pulled a muscle or simply overexerted myself ...But, it does take away from something I Love to do. I will try again tomorrow and hope the pain will be gone by then. It's strange because it only happens when I run..the rest of the time it's not even noticeable.

Monday, September 27, 2010

A Series of Lessons



If you really think about it life is simply a series of lessons. We learn and grow till we die. Some of us grasp things earlier in life than most..and for others, the learning only comes when we are faced with adversity. Lessons are everywhere and so are signs. You cannot deny a larger power in this earth when you really start to observe and listen to the signs you face. There are no accidents. I am focusing on letting go. It's not easy. In my job and in my life I have always had to have control. Control makes me feel safe, it's predicatable, it means the sun will rise the next day and a certain set of events will unfold that make me feel secure. No more. I am working on letting go. Letting the Universe seal my fate. No I will not completely relinquish control..instead I will ask for what I want..and then TRUST that it will come my way.

Right now in this very moment I could choose to worry and be upset. I really could but, I wont. I will not allow myself to fold or to even worry about a folding occuring. I am strong.

I find strength in so many things. A simple cup of coffee, a friends smile, laughing at work ..joking around with people..they make me realize that no matter what the outcome, life does go on.

Today I sat at a local coffeeshop ..drinking my medium roast Java..sitting outside in the sunshine and watching the cars pass me by. For some reason I had the inclination to look up at the sky. I whispered a wish of intent to the Universe and it hit me how vast the sky really is. Millions of dreams huddle under that vast sky and mine is just one among many. But, I refuse to settle for anything less than happiness and I do firmly believe it's out there.
No I will not crumble.



I am also loving twitter! Every single day I can log on and see inspirational passages from people I admire! How can I not feel blessed. Those words come to me and instantly lift me up and give me perspective.
Here are just a few

-- "A clear vision, backed by definite plans, gives you a tremendous feeling of confidence and personal power." - Brian Tracy

--Holding on to anything is like holding on to your breath. If you don't let go you will start to suffocate

---Put yourself in the hands of the universe--then you will have no need for control.

Fall seven times, stand up eight. ~Japanese Proverb

Signs are everyone...do not ignore them. Pay attention to the signs in your life and the people who love you. Those are my thoughts for today.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

A Little Better Each Day



Am I a runner yet? Probably not but, wow am I getting there. I am starting to feel that guilt settle in if I don't go for my run every morning. Granted I am still only going about a mile per day and it's not running the whole time but, I can tell from the way my legs feel afterwards that I got a workout in. I try to push myself a little further each day. Today I ran further than yesterday and everyday I add a few more steps. My breathing seems to be getting easier too. I don't huff and puff as much anymore and I never have to use my inhaler. I used to kinda roll my eyes at runners before (um are they just showing off or what) but, I am starting to get it. Running is actually a lot of fun IF you stick with it. I read a statistic that 80% of runners quit before 4 weeks are up..and that is JUST when they are getting good at it. I will not let myself quit. I have gone this far and I am going to keep on going!

Friday, September 17, 2010

Perspective...Pass it on



I am surrounding myself with inspiration. And it seems that ever since I decided I wanted more in my life, it comes to me. Just today, the 11pm producer sent me a link on youtube to listen to the amazing "Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch. He was a professor at Carnegie Mellon University and also an amazing speaker. He speaks with humor about the fact that he has mere months to live. His attitude is unbelievable. How do people when faced with the greatest of hardships manage to see the light? What amazing strength of spirit. And yet I sit here and find hardships in my day to day life. I sit here and say, "I cannot overcome this" and it's something so minor.



Randy holds up a picture of his family in one of his very last speeches and introduces his children one by one. They are all under the age of 5. Then he introduces his wife and he says with humor and a smile, "Here is my widow"...and he literally beams with the assurance that everything is going to be okay.

I admire him for his courage. Perpective...pass it on.

I am also reading a book called, "Heart Broken Open" It's a memoir by Kristine Carlson. She is the widow of the late Richard Carlson who wrote the book "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff" It is her journey of grief. Her journey from learning of her husbands death to telling her two teenage daughters to going through the gut-wrenching grief process to finally accepting and embracing the pain that comes with loss.



These are all stories of such courage. How will you handle what comes your way? What legacy will you leave on this earth? Think about it.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The Joys of Food


Why oh why oh why does food have to taste so damn good? Honestly if we could get all of our nutritional needs met by taking one pill a day and never have to worry about the choices and the preparation and the guilt and pure pleasure of food ..Life would be a far simpler place.
Simpler? Of course but, satisfying probably not.

Compared to most people I do not eat very much ..At least not during the week. My meals usually consist of the following Monday through Friday

AM water after my run and coffee with cream around 11 or so.

2:15PM Arrive at work

2:30PM stomach starts grumbling and I start obsessing over what to eat.

3:00PM Afternoon meeting, reporter and other producer discussing ideas. Me, thinking about food and wondering if my food drawer contains anything exciting

3:30PM Heating up a can of soup in employee break room. I literally live on cans of soup during the week. They are quick and easy and normally quite filling. My favorite these days are the Select Harvest soups by Campbells. The Tomato Bisque is to die for especially when you add a generous helping of Tapatio (and I mean a generous, generous helping)



4:30PM Looking around for other bites to snack on. Usually end up eating more than my fair share of croutons, which means almost the entire bag if I am not careful

4:35PM Realize I have almost finished the bag. Quickly put it away and look around nervously to make sure nobody else saw me scarfing down in quick succession.

6:30 Record FOX promos

6:45PM Finally time for my one major main meal of the day! This usually consists of a bag of salad that I purchased that morning, a bottle of low calorie salad dressing and the rest of the croutons from the bag. I pair it with green tea and am one happy camper.



I am usually good then till the newscast with a couple more cups of green tea to get me through but, it's the AFTER the news that gets me every single time. I am always starving by the time I am driving home. Granted it's because I haven't eaten for about 4 hours and it's natural that I would be hungry. It doesn't help that the ever so tempting burrito filled taco heaven of a place known as Taco Bell is directly on my way home!
Oh God.

I admit I will stop there 1 or 2 times a week and get something for late night munchies. I know your not supposed to eat that late but, sometimes you just cannot help it!



It may not seem like it but, I more than make up for it over the weekend. What can i say I like to eat! And a lot of the time it's fast food or grilling steaks or making pasta at home. Food is such a big part of our lives and such a big part of every single culture. Can you imagine being without it.

I remember when I was on the water fast for 5 days and how strange it felt to not be eating. It wasn't even that I felt that hungry it was more that I had no idea how to pass my time. Most of us look forward to our next meal or grabbing coffee or making that sandwich but, when that was taken away from me I had to find other ways to pass that time.

What is your favorite thing to eat? What would be hardest food to live without?